A difficult path

The new Recovering Christians blog by Jeff Yen is a good read and I was mildly surprised when he mentioned thatthe comments on one of my earlier blog posts started him down the track.

Having said that I must respectfully disagree with Jeff's remarks on the topic of christians marrying non christians.

I don't know if I can agree that love will somehow solve all problems between a couple.This is especially since I've seen for myself the ruckus that different faiths can cause in a marriage, particularly where there are children involved.

For all the possible non christians reading this, one has to state at the outset that it is true that the church and the bible frown upon marriages between non christians and christians. I doubt it is meant to belittle non christians; all the monotheistic religions have rules similiar, if not harsher than this.

I had friends who dated non christians and I've known older married couples of different faiths. I've also considered dating a non christian myself although that fizzled out for reasons other than religion. And in the end I still came to the conclusion that it just wasn't a good idea.

Putting aside the biblical directive for the moment and just looking at relationships in general, I found that most couples had to work through myriad differences already present in their personality, family culture and general attitude towards life. With religion being the sensitive and loaded topic that it is, a difference in faith usually means that a fairly large gap opens up between them right at the beginning.

There is great merit in what Jeff said about love overcoming a multitude of differences. And in most other circumstances I'd agree. But in a relationship, particularly in a marriage, the two people must be joined as one eventually. They have to share a life together, a home and a family. Any minor differences between the two in terms of family culture will be exacerbated by any gap in terms of religion. It is also difficult to see how the two lives can be joined as one when there is such a fundamental and troubling difference between the two.

There are differences that can be overcome. But in general, your religion does dictate your world view to some extent and this is probably the most difficult to overcome. The biblical directive may seem onerous, overly strict and even arbitrary to some but the truth is that there is a great deal of common sense behind it.

I'm attached to a very lovely man who, happily for me, shares a great deal of my passions and pastimes. I don't know what I'd do if he turned out to be someone who hardly ever read or shared none of my hobbies. More importantly, we have the same general outlook on life which helps in understanding each other.

Perhaps this is an overly narrow view of relationships. But it is difficult for me to comprehend how two people with great differences in,what is after all, a very fundamental part of their lives, can work out a relationship, let alone a marriage. Their marriage would be built on very shaky ground indeed and would pave the way for greater conflicts to come when children enter the picture. Issues such as which faith the child is to be brought up in can lead to major problems and as I've personally seen it happen, I don't think this is an issue that can be dismissed in an offhand manner.

Perhaps Paul's reasons for the unequally yoked rule seems harsh and arbitrary. But one has to admit it does make alot of practical sense.

So no, if one of my own friends asked me about this question, I wouldn't say the same thing Jeff did. Because I've through fire and water with my own relationships and I know how hard it can be to work out differences of any kind, much less something so tricky.

I'd ask my friend to think long and hard about it. Particularly to think about whether he/she could live with differences of that kind. Besides the spiritual aspect, I'd ask them to think about the practical ways in which it could affect their lives.

Love has a tendency to involve a certain amount of hard work and sacrifice so I'd caution anyone against dashing into a relationship that forebodes so much more pain and difficulty.

For me?

This came all the way from Singapore, from a girl I haven't met up with or spoken to for at least a year.

So few people send snail mail type cards to me any more that this is something to be treasured.Especially since it came from a friend whom I thought had long disappeared into the ether.

Be careful of what you wish for

The trouble with studying overseas and having to come home at regular intervals is that one ends up having two lives,neither of them complete.

I'm back in cold, rainy Melbourne.

The tail wags the dog

My own grandmother died of kidney failure when I was 7 and ever since then my family has supported NKF by donating money every single year.

I don't feel like we should anymore.

It seems that they not only overpay their CEO, they also overstate the number of patients in order to generate more donations.

This, coming after the recent NKF Cancer show in which various celebs performed all kinds of nonsensical stunts in order to raise money, just hurts. For the people who put in time, effort and risked injury to themselves, this piece of news will always leave a bitter taste in their mouths. After all their heartfelt pleas to the public to call in and support the charity, I wonder if any will look back in sheer embarrassment and rage.

There isn't much else to say. Except that their CEO watched recession struck Singaporeans donate money year after year and continued to perpetuate this fraud. His house, car and lavish lifestyle, all paid for by decent hardworking people who believed they were doing the right thing.

This must be how people feel like when they finally wake up after years of having been brainwashed by some cult group.

Intelligence

I actually started writing a post about this awhile ago but got derailed when my flu medication kicked in.

Recently, I've been reading alot of blog posts evaluating the Singaporean scholarship system. Reading them made me feel like I wanted to add on to it a little bit more.

Last night I spoke to a friend of mine from school who was enormously sad about his semester's exam results. He was so depressed he told me he even doubted his own intelligence. He talked about the smart people he knew who won scholarships, got straight As and were doing really well now.

My own problem with PSC scholarships and the scholarship system has always been that they tend to view academic achievements as pretty much the only way to measure an individual's capabilities and intelligence. The entire Singaporean education system is geared toward that view.


As Mr Wang Zhen stated, generally scholars are favoured over non scholars for promotions and high ranking posts. To me, this simply defeats the whole purpose of a meritocracy. There are many many straight A students who seem intelligent on paper but who may turn out to be complete duds in a workplace. Academic qualifications, even with a good CCA performance cannot be a complete measure of an individual's intelligence or capability.

It is true that looking at paper qualifications are an easy way of pinpointing potentially capable and intelligent people. But it cannot be the only way. To blindly promote scholars over non scholars, to keep going back to one's 'A' or 'O' level results without considering actual, on the job performance is a huge mistake.

Some people mess up in school, some are just poor in certain subjects while being extremely talented in others( I believe Mr Wang's example was a brilliant economist who got a D for Literature) and finally some are just late bloomers.

In order for our system to be truly meritocratic, we should be promoting people based on how well they can do the job, not on the basis that ten years ago they happened to do well for their A levels.

This is why I love Mr Wang's 1st Brilliant idea (which I read days ago but was too sick to say anything about). In any industry, on the job performance should be the most important factor to be taken into consideration when hiring, firing or promoting. ( Disclaimer: He called a brilliant idea, not me. I'm NOT trying to suck up to him by over praising him.)

Aside from the civil service, I honestly think that we're missing out something when we overlook people who don't seem to perform in school. History should have taught us that many brilliant people didn't seem to be great performers in school either. Roald Dahl was criticised in school for his essay writing skills, Einstein once flunked an entrance exam to a school of engineering(!) and Thomas Alva Edison's first schoolteacher thought he was 'addled'.

( Although, history should also have taught us that men just don't learn from history.)


Academic success is usually a good predictor of intelligence but not always. Its just that in our system, we take it as the only indicator which is a mistake. Being exam smart is not enough if you have zero interpersonal skills or find it difficult to think on your feet.

(Update: Wow, Mr Wang not only linked me but also carried on this discussion in far greater detail than I could ever have. Go read his discussion on the different kinds of intelligence and how PSC has got it wrong. )

Stars shining bright above you

This is Neil Gaiman at the Borders signing. I absolutely have to apologize for the dearth of blog posts recently but I've been down with the flu.

All I can say is it's been a holiday of mishaps. But blogging will pick up once I break free of the sleep inducing cold medication.

But the good news is that I finally figured out how to post photos.( Yes I am really that technologically challenged)

Neil Gaiman

For all those whose eyes have been trained on the IOC meeting, here's an update on an even more important event happening on this lil island of ours.

Neil Gaiman came here!!!!!!

But the poor man, I think he had to sign autographs for like 2000 people. I went both his Kinokuniya signing and the Borders signing. Both basically attracted such huge crowds that it was insane.

The upside is that while I had to wait for over an hour each time, I got to take TWO photos with him!!!!!I was so elated I nearly jumped up and down and in a minute I will be explaining why that would not have been a good idea.

I sprained my ankle on Saturday. Heh.

No I wasn't supposed to go to the signing. (Or move about too much...or put too much weight on my ankle)

Yes I went anyway.

Both times I had people who helped me out immeasurably. At Kino I ran into a JC classmate of mine who happened to be standing VERY near the front of the queue and she let me join her. ( Must buy her a drink/chocs) In case I did not articulate this clearly, THANK YOU ADRIAN!!!!!!

At the borders signing, my sister's friends who also happened to be Neil Gaiman fans very kindly let me join them. So there was this enormous gaggle of girls from RGS and me standing there.(Cannot buy them drinks, all underaged, chocs will do).So thanks to ALL of them who helped me out so much even though they didn't know me.

So both times I managed to save my poor ankle from too much strain.

I realize there aren't many other authors I'd do this for. For Neil, it was just that I had to go just to meet the great man face to face even if it was for all of 2 seconds.

You see, the type of fantasy he writes so closely mirrors the kind of stuff going on inside my internal daydreams all the time. He writes the stuff of Dreams.He single handedly turned comics into something more than childish, brightly coloured power fantasies. He turned it into literature. He brought in Shakespeare, Marlowe and the other great figures in the western canon of literature. In doing so, he assured himself of a place amongst them.

There was a vacuum that really needed to be filled and his stories filled it beautifully. The western literary canon would be so much poorer without him. (I'd say the same for Terry Pratchett and Isaac Asimov and many many others)

But its the Sandman fans that were the truly fanatical ones. There were people there dressed as Dream, Desire, Destiny and Death. I saw so many goth girls with an ankh all trying to look like Death.(pardon the pun)

I've noticed that novels tend not to give rise to the same sort of fanaticism,barring the Harry Potter phenomenon. Perhaps the pictures do help flesh out the imaginings a little more, give shape to our febrile fantasies. If so, I look forward to a graphic novel of Neverwhere as well, my favourite of his novels. And if he had another signing, I'd go dressed as the Lady Door(complete with contact lenses to mimic her opalescent eyes).